I won't give up

When I look into your eyes there’s so much they hold

And just like them old stars I see that you’ve come so far

It’s been one of those chapters in my life which has left me raw. Finishing a Master’s program and diving into a soul-defining teaching job at a founding school, only to hurdle head first into a Doctorate program at ole faithful Northeastern while continuing to teach, have been both an exhilarating and crushing experience.

And when you’re needing your space to do some navigating

I’ll be here patiently waiting to see what you find

Even if you are betrothed to your learning as a student, you still have that sense of passivity, rather than productivity. It’s been a tumultuous journey trying to find the energy to achieve everything I want before the expiration on my youth rings out in the emptiness. I can feel that my life is going to drastically change and like an immobilized beachgoer I am staring at the tsunami growing deep in the ocean, swelling all of its fury. Why is it women have to biologically damned? The time to navigate the waters of life is restricted to the daring and an abundance of Life calendar appointments keeps stocking up with subject lines varying from Marriage, Job, House, and Children. I would be a mental case to complain about my life but, where is the time to go backpacking through Tibet? Am I expected to carry a newborn in the convertible I can finally afford on my own merit? Life is a double edged sword. We are unworldly in our youth and don’t take full advantage due to fear, inexperience or naivety and when we are adults we are tied down by our self-imposed task lists and responsibilities.

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

A lucky handful of people in life, work because they love what they do, and not because they have to. Being a part of a founding school, has redefined me. The amount of hats I have worn in the past two years has left me with a constant case of static cling on my otherwise well-manicured mane. It’s exciting for me, a chance to be dominating and present; especially considering my entire façade is wired to be submissive. I wish I had been broken down on the atomic level my first year of teaching, where would I be now?, if I hadn’t wasted two years, silently cutting off atrophied fragments of my teaching style towards self-betterment. But I’m worried. Will this be a repeat of my normal, give, give, give….pause…nothing is given back… silence as defeat settles in.

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

Currently, I am sitting in Northeastern's student center. I was attempting to write a paper which is due for one of my graduate classes, but, honestly...I just wanted to enjoy my day off. I'm mentally exhausted and just wanted to people watch. Guess what...that's exactly what I did.